Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Don't Laugh At Her!

Lauren Caitlin Upton
Miss Teen South Carolina

I know what you're all thinking: "Oh, look at the dumb blonde making a fool of herself! Har de har har!" I, for one, happen to agree with young Lauren. And not just because I want to get inside her evening gown. Which I do.

You see, when I was a young Dyckerson growing up in da hood, we didn't have maps. If we wanted to see the United States of Africa, we had to get in a boat and fly there. Sure, we could have just gone to a library and such, but who can find anything in those places? All the books are numbered with these diddly decimal things that nobody understands. I mean, how am I supposed to know geometry if I can't find a map in the first place??! It's a conundrumstick!

Like the beautiful and talented Miss Upton, I personally believe that we as a nation need to use our maps to educate the people of Asia and Iraq so that we Americans can be smarter. Maps are very important and colorful, like blue for the water and brown for the dirt and such. I know there is a Google map on the computer webs, but some people out there can't afford to do so. We need to educate these people and get them jobs in the Iraq.

I think some people don't like maps because they don't know how to fold them. This can be very hard, especially if it is one of those round maps shaped like a ball. I don't like the ball maps because you have to walk around to the other side to see the countries in the back. I once saw a map that had bumps on it. It was funny because the bumps were exactly where the mountains would be. I wonder if they did that on purpose and such.

In conclusion, I would like to say that I personally believe the people of Africa should be taught geology in school so that we Americans know where to find them. Only then will be all be free to share our maps with the world.

Thank you.

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