Cock - A - Dyckie - Doo

AP (Dyckersonville) - BREAKING NEWS. The blogging community has been rocked by allegations that Mightonimous "Mighty" Dyckerson has been involved in the illegal sport of cockfighting. According to an indictment handed down today by whoever it is that hands down indictments, Mr. Dyckerson not only funded, but also participated in the activity on his sprawling .5-acre townhome in the suburbs of Dyckersonville. It is unclear how these charges will affect Mr. Dyckerson's blogging career if found guilty, but with witnesses coming out of the woodwork, his future looks grim.

"As a hor, I've seen plenty of cocks in my time, but none as ornery as the ones Dyckerson parades in and out of his house. He has cocks cumming there all hours of the day and night." says next door neighbor Lindy Danielle Lindystar.

"Dyckerson and his filthy cocks disgust me. Big cocks, little cocks, fat cocks, skinny cocks. You name it, he's had them...and the noises coming from his house are horrendous," says former Hooters waitress ADW.

"I don't know about the fighting, but Dyckerson has the biggest cock I have ever seen," says Christie McFatty, estranged wife of missing Portland coal miner J.J. McFatty.

"One of Dyckerson's prize cocks impregnated me. I think it was a black cock, but I was too drunk to remember," says happy homemaker and former blogger Ms. Babble.

In addition to the cockfighting charges, Mighty Dyckerson may face additional animal cruelty charges. Several witnesses have come forward with damning testimonies.

"I watched Dyckerson beat his cock every night. He would beat that poor thing for hours at a time. I offered to help him once, but his cock just spit upon my ample bosom," says longtime love interest Jenny!

"I never saw him beat his cock, but he did spank his monkey quite often. Once he even flogged his dolphin," says RevRee, his live-in maid.

Attorneys for Mighty Dyckerson have released the following statement:

"Our client Mr. Dyckerson comes from a long line of cock lovers and is understandably distraught by these heinous charges. Mr. Dyckerson maintains his innocence, and is therefore unwilling to negotiate a plea agreement with prosecutors. Mr. Dyckerson is looking forward to clearing his good name in the courtroom."

Finally, Mighty Dyckerson has the following personal statement to the witnesses:

"Thanks a lot, you RAT FINK BITCHES! Make sure you lock your doors tonight, 'cause me and my cocks will be waiting for you! FUCK YOU ALL!!!"

Dyckerson is free on a $100,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in court in October 2009. If convicted of all charges, he could face up to 300 years in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.