Ode to Sassy Blondie

And now, without further ado, the world premiere of my latest literary masterpiece...Ode to Sassy Blondie!!!

I once met a blogger
She was blonde and quite sassy
Her boobs were real perky
And she had a nice assy

She likes to wear pants
That are made out of flannel
We make out on the Internets
While I watch the porn channel

We chit and we chat
And I try to seduce her
But my sexual advances
Only serve to amuse her

This chick whom I know
Who is blonde and quite sassy
Has a heart that's as big
As all of Tallahassee

She hangs out in bookstores
With rude, horny gays
Their groping disgusts her
But she watches anyways

She goes to wild parties
To drink and to dance
She sends out text messages
Yet her phone's in her pants

Catholic is this chick
Who is blonde and quite sassy
She flirts with her priest
During midnight massy

The boys in her school
Graze against her heaving chest
They play with their wankers
And imagine her undressed

She was once almost killed
By a drunk in a Fury
Would've shot his dumb ass
If she hadn't been in a hurry

Did I mention that this chick
Who is blonde and quite sassy
Is a hell of a baker
And as sweet as molassy?

She made me a batch
Of chocolate chip cookies
I ate them all up
And I gave her some nookie

We're thinking of moving
To the city of Denver
But it's already too cold
And it's only December

Another thing about this chick
Who is blonde and quite sassy
She was stalked by a psycho -
Charged him with sexual harassy

We'll have a quick wedding
And a long honeymoon
She'll service my wang
And I'll lick her sweet poon

We'll marry and settle
And have dozens of kids
They'll wear out her hoo-ha
And they'll all die of SIDS

I'm in love with a blogger
Who is blonde and quite sassy
She beat me at dominoes
But her act is real classy