There Is A God

I know I've been in a funk lately. But thanks to an incident that occurred earlier this evening, my spirits have been lifted. Life is good!

You see, I live in a townhouse. The way the units are laid out, the living rooms are in the back, with a large sliding glass door leading to the back yard. Fences separate each yard, but I can still see, hear, and smell most everything the neighbors are doing when they are back there.

It was a beautiful late summer day here in Dyckersonville. Skies were overcast throughout the day, but not a single drop of rain had fallen. A perfect evening for a barbecue...or so my new jackass neighbors thought. I call them jackasses even though we've never met. I just assume they are jackasses because most people are. I figure I'll just go with the odds on this one.

Anyway, their grill came out around 6pm. I know this because the acrid smell of burning charcoal began choking me around this time. Of course I could close my screen door, but goddammit, it's the first cool night of the season and I'll be goddamned if I'll let those pricks ruin it for me. Then came the sound of something I truly hate. I ask you, is there anything worse than the sound of kids laughing and playing?? Happy people make me sick, but happy children make me positively homicidal. Children should be dead and not heard.

So there I was, my senses being assaulted, my entire evening about to be fucked by Mr. & Mrs. Suburbia and their retarded punkass kids. At that very moment, the clouds that had been lingering all day finally decided to blow their loads right over Dyckersonville. And it didn't just rain. It POURED! HA! HA HA!! HA HA HA HA!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

I ran to the door to get a better look. The kids' laughter instantly turned to bloodcurdling screams as they hurried inside, leaving dear dad stranded with a giant plate full of soggy wieners and buns. Meanwhile, mommy was getting soaked chasing after the napkins and paper plates that were blowing all over the yard. BWAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, is it wrong to find humor in the misfortune of others?

I DIDN'T THINK SO!!!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

I guess the ol' neighbors had to order take-out. Such a pity. Really it is.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

HA HA!!!

HA!

I think I'm done now. Man, I love the rain.