I feel I must apologize for my recent outburst about the memes. It was rude and totally uncalled for. Don't get me wrong, I still hate memes more than life itself. I'm just a little cranky because I recently got turned down for a lucrative job offer I received in my email inbox. Read on:
Dear Sir/Madam,
Would you like to work online from Home/Temporarily and get paid weekly? We are glad to offer you for a job position at our company(Interface FabricsLimited),We need someone to work for the company as a Representative/Book keeper in your country. This is in view of our not having an office presently in your country.
My name is Mr Thomas Martins currently working as a consultant here in the United Kingdom. I found this medium an opportunity to contact you and talk to you to know if you can work with our company. I work as a consultant for a fabric company in United Kingdom called Interface FabricsLimited). I will like to know if you can work online from Home/Temporarily and get paid weekly.
***YOUR TASK IS TO CO-ORDINATE PAYMENTS FROM CUSTOMERS AND HELP US WITH THE PAYMENT PROCESSING***
BENEFIT IS AS FOLLOWS:
* The average monthly income is about $2000....
* No form of investments from you....
* This job takes only 1-3 hours per day....
* You do not pay any form of taxes....
REQUIEDMENTS:
* Full Name.
* Residential Address(In Full,Not P.O.BOX)
* Contact Phone number(s).
* Email.
* Age.
* Occupation.
* Bank Name(Only).
Reply me as soon as possible if you are interested for more details to this email (interfacefabricsll_001@yahoo.de) and I will be glad to get back to you within 24hr.
Best Regards
Thomas Martins
MANGER : INTERFACE FABRICS
Now I ask you, how am I to turn down an offer like that??? Here is my response to Mr. Martins.....
Dear Mr. Martins,
Bless you for contacting me via this medium about the job position with your company (Interface FabricsLimited). Yes, I would be thrilled to work online from Home/Temporarily and get paid weakly. Your offer could not come at a better time, as I am struggling to pay my legal bills after getting caught by security cameras in a somewhat compromising position. I also do not have an orifice in this country, but I enjoy interfacing with fabrics and I feel I would be a real asshat for your company (Interface FabricsLimited).
**PLEASE CONTACT ME URGENTLY ABOUT HOW I CAN APPLY FOR THIS EXCITING JOB POSITION AND WHETHER OR NOT YOU ALL INTENDS TO CONDUCT A BACKGROUND CHECK**
I am currently looking forwards for your reply.
Best regards,
Mitonimous Q. Dyckerson
Sure enough, Mr. Martins kept his promise and replied within 24 hours. What a guy.....
Dear Mr. Dyckerson,
Your email is well noted by us and we want you to fill the Requiement below before payment can be send to you by ower costomers.
REQUIEDMENTS:
* Full Name.
* Residential Address(In Full,Not P.O.BOX).
* Contact Phone number(s).
* Email.
* Age.
* Occupation.
* Bank Name(Only).
Best Regards
Thomas Martins
MANGER : INTERFACE FABRICS
This is a man who knows how to get down to business. I like that. Here is my response.....
Dear Mr. Martins,
First and foreskin, please feel free to call me "Mighty." My father was Mr. Dyckerson. Now before I begin filling out the REQUIEDMENTS, could you tell me more about your benefits package? I understand I will get paid weakly, but does your company (Interface FabricsLimited) offer health insurance? I only ask because I recently contracted a nasty rash from my associate RevRee and I would like to get treated before it spreads any farther. Also, I will need two days off in October so I can attend a Star Trek convention in Nigeria. I can probably get you a ticket if you would like to go. It is really beautiful there this time of year.
Thank you again and I looks forward to servicing yore costomers.
Best regards,
Mitonimous Q. Dyckerson
After not receiving a reply within 24 hours, I started to get worried. I decided I better follow up.....
Dear Mr. Martins,
I hope you did not take offense to my last email concerning benefits. If so, please accept my apologies. I can do without the health insurance and vacation time. Your company (Interface FabricsLimited) comes first in my book.
Here are the REQUIEDMENTS you requiested:
* Mitonimous Q. Dyckerson
* 3000 West Alameda Ave., Burbank, CA 91523*
* 213-466-5103*
* mightydyckerson@yahoo.com
* 69
* Entrepreneur
* First Bank of Switzerland
Thank you again for understanding. I look forward to your urgent reply.
Mitonimous Q. Dyckerson
* This was the address and phone number to write for tickets to the game show "Super Password." The show has been out of production for 18 years.
Shortly thereafter, I received the following rather terse message from Mr. Martins.....
FUCK OFF ASSHOLE.
Damn, was it something I said? I knew I shouldn't have asked off those two days. Oh well, perhaps opportunity will knock again someday! Until then, you may read about my previous encounters with spammers in Mighty Dyckerson's Fun With Spammers Collection!
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