Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Fucked By A Gecko

Operator: Geico Insurance. How may I screw you today?
Dyck: Yo bitch, I'd like to have my ass raped brutally by one of your representatives.
Operator: Absolutely, I'd be happy to pound you in the ass. What seems to be the problem?
Dyck: A rock hit my fucking windshield and cracked it.
Operator: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Are you OK?
Dyck: So far, yes. But that may change once you start shucking my cornhole.
Operator: Indeed, your cornhole will be shucked royally.
Dyck: Thank you for your honesty.
Operator: Of course! Besides, it's not like you can do anything about it. We're a giant insurance company and you're nobody. Best to just relax your sphinctor and take your ass raping like a man.
Dyck: I guess this means you won't be paying for my windshield then.
Operator: Oh, I highly doubt it. How big is the crack in relation to a one dollar bill?
Dyck: All I have is a twenty.
Operator: You won't have it for long, pal.
Dyck: Well the crack is about as long as 17 bills laid end to end.
Operator: That's a big crack!
Dyck: Almost as big as yo mama's.
Operator: Ha ha, well played! Hold on a sec while I pretend to type some numbers on my keyboard...Nope, we can't help you. Your deductible is too high. You'll end up paying for the whole thing out of pocket. You might want to lower it.
Dyck: Then you'll just raise my premiums.
Operator: Yep, that we will! We'll rape you one way or another!
Dyck: OK, how about I lower my deductible to zero, then call tomorrow and file the claim, and then call the next day and raise my deductible again?
Operator: Our team of highly paid attorney weasels will nail your ass with insurance fraud.
Dyck: How do you sleep at night?
Operator: On a sack filled with cash sent in my schmucks like yourself.
Dyck: Lemme see if I've got this right. Customers send you money every month...
Opeator: Yes...
Dyck: And you're supposed to pool all that money into an account...
Operator: Keep going...
Dyck: So you can reimburse people when they have accidents.
Operator: Whoa, that's where you're wrong. We do take your money, but we never give it back.
Dyck: That's quite a scam you've got going there.
Operator: Yes, we're very proud of it. Now I'd be happy to refer you to a glass repair shop that gives our customers a special discount. Of course, they jack up the price before they give you the discount.
Dyck: Have you no shame?
Operator: Nope! They'll poke your pooter real good! They also repair sweaters.
Dyck: Sounds like I'll need an ASS repair shop. Thanks a lot for your time.
Operator: Oh believe me, it was nothing. Call again anytime. We have operators standing by 24 hours a day to fuck your buttocks.

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Raping asses across America since 1936.

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