Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Oops, I Did It Again

(AP) DYCKERSONVILLE - Mighty Dyckerson is back home today after being rushed to Cedar-Sinai hospital for a psychiatric evaluation last night. Police were called to Dyckerson's residence last night after neighbors reported an altercation between the famous internet blogger and his common-law wife Sassy Blondie.

When police arrived on the scene, they found Mighty Dyckerson laying on the kitchen floor covered in broken glass and curled up in the fetal position. Witnesses report hearing blood curdling screams emanating from the house around midnight.

"The screams were definitely coming from Dyckerson," said Danielle the HOR, longtime friend and neighbor.

"I'm sorry I wasn't home to enjoy it," said Ms. Karla J. Babble. "I was at the hospital giving birth to my ninth child."

"I am just a simple lymie from a faraway land," said Mr. Stan Bull of Turkey. "Nevertheless, I urge all Americans to vote for Dyckerson in November!"

Sassy Blondie released this statement to the press: "The bastard is psycho! We were engaging in sexual intercourse, and he pulled out this rusty metal thing and tried to violate me with it! He kept calling it his poon spoon! So I knocked him upside the head with a vase!"

Mighty Dyckerson was transported to Cedar-Sinai via whambulance, where paramedics reported more peculiar behavior from the celebrated monkey clown. Several female rescue workers stated that Dyckerson repeatedly ripped out his IV tube and attempted to fondle their ample bosoms.

"The man is an animal," said one EMT. "Can I get his number?"

Upon hearing the news, TV's Dr. Feel McGroin rushed to the hospital to be at Dyckerson's bedside.

"I am here not as a celebrity, but as a doctor. I have nothing but genuine concern for Dyckerson and his family," said Dr. Feel last night during his third press conference. "Now be sure to buy my new book - What The Hell Are You, An Idiot?? - available in fine bookstores everywhere."

Still in question is who will get custody of Mighty Dyckerson's son, Dyck Jr., whom he fathered during his third marriage to RevRee. Dyckerson is resting comfortably at home and is expected to return to blogging shortly.

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