Monday, January 21, 2008

Ball Busters

I may have to move to another state. That was my initial reaction upon reading this article published yesterday in the Richmond Times-Disgrace. The General Assembly, Virginia's legislative body, is considering enacting several ludicrous laws. Read on.....

HJ76 -- A resolution recognizing the town of Independence in Grayson County as the "Official Home of the Grand Privy Race" in Virginia. The privies -- also known as toilets -- are placed on wheels and raced down the town's Main Street in October during the annual Mountain Foliage Festival.

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. When people around these parts think of shitters, they automatically think of Dyckerson. Therefore if any town should serve as the "Official Home of the Grand Privy Race," it should be GOOD OLD DYCKERSONVILLE!

HB533 -- Makes it a traffic offense for a motorist to drive with a pet in his lap.

Excuse me??! Cell phones are OK, but pets are a no-no? As a taxpaying American, it is my GOD GIVEN RIGHT to cruise the streets with a pussy in my lap ANY DAMN TIME I PLEASE. Big Brother needs to STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY CROTCH!!!

HB1452 -- Bans the display of trailer-hitch ornaments that resemble bull testicles.

This is really a slap in the face. Or maybe that should be a teabag in the face. Regardless, the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution GUARANTEES my right to free speech. Our forefathers FOUGHT AND DIED so I could hang a SACK OF RUBBER NUTS from my vehicle without fear of retaliation, and now these assholes want to take that freedom away??

HB334 -- Makes stealing a cat a felony.

Now they've gone too far. Why should cat burglars be treated so harshly?? Let's face it, not everybody can afford a good pussy. Sometimes we have to resort to extreme measures to obtain one. It doesn't mean we're bad people. It just means we're DESPERATE FOR PUSSY. And gentlemen, haven't we all been there at one time or another??

Rest assured, if any of these laws are enacted in Virginia, I'm getting the hell out. And I'm taking my pussy and my balls with me!

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